List of The Super Mario Bros. Movie quotes

This article is about a film that has just been released on April 5, 2023. Major changes should be made by a contributor who has a reliable source. This notice should be removed after a month has passed since the film was first released.

This article is under construction. Therefore, please excuse its informal appearance while it is being worked on. We hope to have it completed as soon as possible.

It has been requested that this article be rewritten. Reason: Reorder quotes to when they are spoken in the film; a number of quotes also may not be exact.

This is a list of quotes from The Super Mario Bros. Movie. They are listed in chronological order by character, followed by dialogue of multiple characters.

Individual characters

Mario

• "Wow! You were great!" - After watching the Super Mario Bros. Plumbing commercial
• "I am so glad we spent our life savings on that commercial!"
• "What about the accent? Is it... is it too much?" (After response from Giuseppe) "Okay, I'm gonna trust you!"
• "Hey, Spike."
• "Wow, really?"
• "Say that again about my brother, and you're gonna regret it."
• "Luigi, c'mon. You know, you can't be scared all the time."
• "And our first job complete."
• "Mamma mia!" - Recurring catchphrase
• "Uh, who's a good puppy?"
• "Ugh, mushrooms?!" - Mario's reaction to pasta with mushrooms
• "Thanks, dad. Thanks for your 'support'."
• "It's not just them. Our whole lives, everyone's been telling us, you can't do this, you can't do that. I'm sick and tired of feeling so small."
• "They're not even looking in the right place. C'mon, Lu."
• "We got to get to the pressure valve."
• "Woah! What is this place?"
• "Looks like nobody's been down here for years."
• "Luigi, are you in there?"
• "LUIGI!!"
• "It's a little mushroom man! A little mushroom man talking to me!"
• "Uhh... Mario." - After Toad introduces himself
• "And this... this place is...?"
• "Mushrooms. Really? Now that is a cruel twist of fate."
• "...Hello." - Reaction to seeing a Bramball
• "Hang on, Luigi."
• "Mushroom Kingdom, here we come!" (Teaser only)
• "Here you go."
• "Whoa! Okay, so these bricks are just floatin' here?"
• "Oh, wow! Love these pipes- (screams)" - Mario before being sucked into a Clear Pipe
• "Ah, come on!" - Mario getting stuck in a pipe maze
• "(slow-motion) Princess!" - Mario meeting Princess Peach
• "Princess! I-" - Mario before getting tackled by three Toad guards
• "Me and my little brother, Luigi... We fell down this pipe, and now he's lost, somewhere in the Dark Lands!"
• "Then take me with you!"
• "You know what? Make fun of me all you want, but you are going to help me find my brother…please?"
• "That was amazing!" - After Peach shows him the training course
• "Wait! How... how am I supposed to do that?" - Asking Peach how he can clear the training course
• "Oh, I got this. No problem."
• "Yes!" - Mario before falling down a Donut Block
• "But are we?" - Response to Toad claiming that they are best friends
• "AH! Get it off, get it off, get it off!" - Reaction to a Cheep Cheep getting stuck to his face (trailer only)
• "I'm not afraid." (trailer only)
• "I'll do anything for my brother." (trailer only)
• "We've never been apart this long." - Response to Peach asking if he is thinking about Luigi
• "You don't seem like you're from here."
• "Hey, maybe you're from my world!"
• "That gorilla's wearing a sports coat."
• "We're not leaving without your army!"
• "Look, you have another way of saving my brother?"
• "You, sir, have a deal! I'll fight your son and win!"
• "Alright..." - Spoken before the duel with Donkey Kong
• "You're about to pick on someone your own size!" - Before eating a Mini Mushroom in the duel with Donkey Kong
• "Not... even... close." - After Donkey Kong asks him if he has had enough
• "It's-a me!"
• "Aw, what? I'm a cat?!" - Mario after transforming into Cat Mario
• "Huh. I'm a cat!" - Mario after dodging Donkey Kong's punch
• "Meeeow."
• "Had enough?"
• "I'd take that as a yes."
• "Not one to panic, but the road is about to end."
• "Let's drive!"
• "Wahoo!"
• "SPLIT UP!"
• "Hey! It's all your fault!"
• "Did you just feel something?"
• "They gotta be up there!"
• "You wanna do this?"
• "Hey. What does this do?" - After getting the Tanooki Suit
• "See? I told you! As long as we're together... everything is gonna be okay!" - To Luigi after rescuing him
• "Hey! Hey, over here!" - Trying to get the attention of the Bomber Bill
• "You asked for it!"
• "Follow me!" - Trying to lure the Bomber Bill to the Warp Pipe
• "Brooklyn?"
• "Let's-a go." - Preparing to take down Bowser
• "Hey! Leave him alone!"
• "Yeah. I've been told that before." - When Bowser complains that Mario never gives up
• "Lu."
• "See? I told you I'd get you a pet turtle."
• "Thanks, Dad." - When his father says he is proud of him

Princess Peach

• "I will not let him hurt you. We are going to stop Bowser."
• "I'm going to convince the Great Kong Army to help us. Together, we'll annihilate that monster!"
• "I can convince him. I'll leave for the Jungle Kingdom in the morning."
• "Wait. Release him." - To some Toad guards who attack Mario
• "Are you... (gasps) He's a human! You ARE human, right?"
• "Wait, wait, let's go back. Where do you come from?"
• "Then it's only a matter of time until he's captured by Bowser. But you're in luck. I'm on my way to stop him."
• "That guy's a lunatic. A psycho. He will eat you for breakfast. He won't even notice you probably, because you are very, very small."
• "Okay, let's see what you're made of!"
• "If you can finish this, you're coming with me. Watch and learn."
• "With the power-ups. They give us special abilities." - Answering Mario's question on how he can clear the Training Course
• "When you get hit, you lose the power. Come on, try again." - Explaining to Mario after his first failure.
• "They're all counting on us. No pressure."
• "My Toads! Our days of terror are almost over! With the help of the Kong Army, we will stop---" - Giving a speech to the Toads before getting interrupted
• "He's not important!" - When a Toad asks who Mario is
• "You're coming with us."
• "Pretty incredible, huh?"
• "Thinking about your brother?"
• "Don't worry. We're going to save him."
• "I don't know where I'm from."
• "My earliest memory is arriving. I was so lucky they found me. They took me in, and raised me like one of their own, and when I was ready, they made me their princess." - Her backstory
• "There's a huge universe out there... with a lot of galaxies."
• "How are you doing? We are here to see the king."
• "Give us a second." (to Mario) "This is a really, really bad idea."
• "Get up, Mario!"
• "He really does." - Agreeing with Toad that Cat Mario looks adorable
• "To the Mushroom Kingdom, and the biggest fight of our lives! Here... we... go!"
• "NO! Mario!!"
• "We have to get home!"
• "Bowser's on his way! You have to evacuate!"
• "Hurry! Get out of the city!"
• "Mario! The Star!!"
• "Not bad, moustache. And Luigi, you were so brave!" - Complimenting the Mario brothers after the final battle

Luigi

• "'I was great'? Are you kidding me?! YOU were great!" - Complimenting Mario about the Super Mario Bros. Plumbing commercial
• "That is not a commercial. That is cinema!"
• "Oh, great, Spike's here."
• "As a matter of fact, Spike, we have."
• "Yeah! Our mom called! She said, 'Aw, boys, that's the best commercial I've ever seen!' And I said, 'Thank you very much, mother! We're very proud of it!' So BOOM!" - Bragging about a call the Mario Brothers have gotten (from their mother) to Spike
• "Are you insane?! He's three times your size!"
• "Hello, Super Mario Brothers!" - Answering a phone call
• "A drip in your faucet? That's great!"
• "It's great you called us, because we can be there and we can fix it right away."
• "Mario, we got one! The Super Mario Brothers are in business!" - After their first official call
• "Oh no! We're gonna be late!" - Reaction when the van won't start
• "We have hit the big time!"
• "Ma'am, I assure you; We don't make messes, we fix them!"
• "Francis is here..."
• "The hellhound is gonna escape!!"
• "Uhm, Mario?"
• "I love mushrooms! I'll take it!"
• "I'm not sure about that, Mama."
• "Ah, you're not bringing me down. You know what? What do they know, huh?"
• "You are not seriously considering--"
• "Mario-...oh!"
• "I knew saving Brooklyn was a bad idea."
• "MARIO!"
• "Mario, where are you? Huh?"
• "You just got Luigi'd!"
• "Where am I?!"
• "How long have you guys been in here?" - Asking the other prisoners
• "There's gotta be a way outta here."
• "MARIO?!?" - Overjoyed after Mario saves his life
• "Mario, why do you look like a bear? What is this?"
• "Nothing can hurt us as long as we're together." - As he saves Mario from Bowser's fire breath
• "Oh, hey, Spike."
• "Oh, thanks. Yeah, it's kinda my thing." - Getting complimented by Peach
• "Thank you for calling Super Mario Brothers Plumbing! It's-a me, Luigi! Ah, if you need service, please-uh text us the same number you just called! 929-55-MARIO! That's 929-556-2746! Message us about any issues wherever you live! House, condo... mansion? And we'll be sure to text you back right away, because at Super Mario Brothers Plumbing, we don't say, 'Let's-a wait!'; we say, 'Let's-a go!' Oh, and uh, check out our website smbplumbing.com! We're still working on it, so.... more updates to come. Buh-bye!" - Super Mario Bros. Plumbing voicemail

Bowser

• "Open the gates! ...Or die."
• "I do not." - Refusing to yield to the Penguin King
• "I've finally found it. Now who's gonna stop me!?!" (Teaser only)
• "I've finally found it. And now NO ONE can stop me!!!"
• "Sit. Jam with me." - Inviting Kamek to play piano with him
• "I'm not threatened."
• "WHAT?!" - Together with Kamek after the Koopa General interrupts his proposal practice
• "Goodbye, Mario." - After Mario falls off Rainbow Road
• "Here we are... Yes! Love really makes a guy come out of his shell!"
• "It is time to ROCK!!" (TV spot only)
• "Let's end this." (Final trailer only)
• "I will be sacrificing them in your honor." - To Peach about his prisoners
• "Lower the prisoners!"
• "Launch the Bomber Bill and DESTROY THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM!!"
• "MARIO!!!"
• "YOU RUINED MY WEDDING! I WAS FINALLY GONNA BE HAPPY! NOW YOU WILL SUFFER — LIKE ME!!!!"
• "You really thought you could stop ME?! YOU WORTHLESS, WEAK LITTLE NOTHING! COME OUT AND FIGHT! Or are you too SCARED?! ...Just what I thought."
• "You just don't know when to quit!"
• "NO! THAT'S MINE!!"
• "RIP THEM TO PIECES!"
• "You can't treat me like this! Do you know who I am? I am Bow-"

Toad

• "DO NOT TOUCH THAT MUSHROOM, YOU'LL DIE!"
• "Oh, I'm sorry. That one's perfectly fine."
• "Pleased to meet ya. I'm Toad!"
• "The Mushroom Kingdom!" - When Mario asks him where he is.
• "Your brother has landed in the Dark Lands. They're under Bowser's control..."
• "And does he also have a breathtaking mustache?" (TV spots only)
• "I hope you told your brother how much you loved him, because you're probably never gonna see him again." (TV spots only)
• "Was that too dark?" (TV spots only)
• "Sorry." (TV spots only)
• "This way, Mario! The princess is right up that hill!"
• "Excuse me, everybody, coming through. Got a big adventure happening right now. Just clear a path for us."
• "Excuse me, everybody, coming through! This guy's brother is going to die imminently! Out of the way, please!"
• "Just trying to clear a path. That's all I'm doing. He's gonna be fine."
• "Chanterelle!" (After response from Chanterelle) "Nice to see you, bud."
• "And up we go."
• "Just pop in this pipe and we're on our way."
• "It's the only way to fly, man."
• "Here we are. Palace doors. Bing bang boom."
• "Pretty impressive, am I right?" - To Mario about Peach's castle
• "Okay, so they're messing with you. And... I don't like it!" - After some Toad guards are joking with him and Mario
• "Whaddya guys... uhm... whaddya you wanna eat? Anything... anything your hearts desire?" - Distracting the Toad guards with food
• "Go!" - To Mario while distracting the Toad guards
• "We're going on an adventure!"
• "Come on, guys!" - To Mario and Peach
• "Hey Mario!"
• "We're best friends!"
• "Don't worry. I. WILL. Protect you."
• "I fear nothing."
• "Yeah, we're going on an adventure! Woooh!" - Happy to join Mario and Peach
• "Whaaaaaaat?" - Toad's response after being startled by a Kong
• "Feel underdressed?"
• "WOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!!!" - Toad's excitement while riding in a Kong's kart
• "Yeah! WOOH!!!"
• "Oh my- I- Okay." - Toad's reaction to seeing Donkey Kong beat Mario up at a duel
• "He looks adorable!" - Toad's reaction to Cat Mario
• "Yes! That's my best friend!"
• "I'M TOO CUTE TO DIE!!!" - After his kart gets destroyed on Rainbow Road
• "That is how you princess!" - Toad after Peach saves him

Donkey Kong

• "I'm D.K.! I'm Donkey Kong!"
• "Hi, Dad!"
• "Dad, wave back!"
• "What do you mean? They like it! It's what they came here for! Dancing pecs!"
• "I don't need anything special to break EVERY BONE in your tiny body!"
• "IS THIS WHAT YOU CAME FOR?!"
• "It is on... like Donkey Kong!"
• "Had enough?"
• "HA! You got the cat box! Oh my- I'm sorry."
• "Okay. Now you die."
• "Not… even… close…"
• "I hate you."
• "See ya!" - To the Koopa General
• "Stop talking! I don't want the last thing I hear, before I die, to be your..." - Just before falling into the ocean
• "So this is the end: being slowly digested by an eel next to an... idiot in overalls."
• "Least you're not gonna die with your dad thinking you're a joke." (After response from Mario) "Yeah, well... Your dad's RIGHT!" - Lamenting about Cranky's disrespect towards him and later admitting that Mario's father is right to think Mario is a joke
• "I've never met your dad, but he sounds brilliant!"
• "I! AM! MORE! THAN A GUY! WHO SMASHES THINGS!!!" - After Mario accuses him of being a "smash monkey"
• "Now we're even!" - After he and Mario escape the Maw-Ray
• "Yes I do!" - After Mario's response of teaming up together
• "Yes! Fire!"
• "This is fun!"
• "Loser!"
• "Cool raccoon suit!" (After response from Mario) "Not at all."
• "No time now. Definitely later!" - After Cranky Kong encourages him to do his pec dance
• "HA! He got the Blue Mushroom!"
• "Aww, bring it in!" - As he piles Mario, Luigi, their parents, Peach, and Toad for a hug

Kamek

• "Behold, the King of the Koopas!" - The first line of the film, announcing Bowser's arrival
• "A report from our intelligence."
• "A mustachioed human has arrived in the Mushroom Kingdom."
• "The princess has been training him. They are up to something, sire."
• "WHAT?!" - Together with Bowser after the Koopa General interrupts the proposal practice
• "You're doing great!" - Encouraging Bowser to continue his proposal to Peach

Cranky Kong

• "Who is this guy? Oh, he makes me laugh!"
• "All right, tough guy. You want my army so badly? Defeat my son, in the Great Ring of Kong!"
• "No, no! Don't do that!"
• "Enough with the showboating!"
• I SAID SIMMER DOWN! That means you, Diddy Kong!
• "Now... Since I want the fight to last more than 5 seconds, I put Power-Ups around the arena. You're welcome, Mario."
• "Guess you're not getting my army!"
• "I guess he got the wrong mushroom."
• "Well, what are you waiting for? Pick your karts!"
• "Well then, you better step on the gas and buckle up!"
• "Get your clown claws off of us!" - When the Koopas capture him and his army.
• "Who's this ray of sunshine?"
• "You did good, kid. Make your pecs dance. You deserve it!"

Spike

• "Well, well, well. If it isn't Brooklyn's favorite failures, the Stupid Mario Brothers!"
• "Tell me, have you even gotten one call since you left me to start your dumb company?"
• "Good luck running a business with this idiot."
• "Get this through your tiny brain, Mario. You're a joke, and you always will be."
• "Mario? You almost dented my-"
• "Luigi?"
• "Let's hear it for the Super Mario Brothers!"

Penguin King

• "Attack!"
• "That is but a taste of our fury. Do you yield?"
• "Pay him no heed. He's cute, but he is (cuckoo noise)."
• "Please! We are depressed enough!"
• "Oh, you've got to be kidding me!"
• "SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!" - Angry at Lumalee's comments

Lumalee

• "Home!" - Lumalee's response when Luigi asks where he is
• "In an insane world, it is the sane who are crazy."
• "Time, like hope, is an illusion."
• "There's no escape. The only hope is the sweet relief of death."
• "Life is sad. Prison is sad. Life in prison is very, very sad."
• "Ooh, fresh meat for the grinder."
• "There is no sunshine. Only darkness!"
• "Finally... Mercy..." - After Kamek announced the prisoners will be sacrificed
• "Wheeeh!" - While the cages lower into the lava
• "Boooooo." - When set free from his cage
• "Now that's a happy ending. Or is it? Because everything's over now, and all that's left is you and the infinite void. Kinda makes you wanna play saxophone, huh?"

Toads

• "Morning!"
• "Does this thing work?" - A yellow Toad asking an antique store clerk about an NES cartridge
• "Yes, works great. You just have to blow into it."
• "Hold it right there, you two!" The Blue Toad guard stopping Mario and Toad
• "Hey, Intruder! Stop him!" - A Toad guard after Mario is spotted
• "How? Look at us: we're adorable!" - A yellow Toad responding to Peach as she tries to rally the Toads to defeat Bowser
• "Uh, who's he?"
• "Just leave it! There's no time!" - When a Toad drops a Coin while evacuating the city
• "Hey! Quiet in there! Lights out, little guy!" - A Toad guard interrupting Bowser playing piano

Toad General

• "Council! Your attention!"
• "Bowser has found the Super Star and is headed toward our kingdom."
• "Its power will make him invincible."
• "We WILL be destroyed."
• "Their mad king DOESN'T make alliances! The Kongs will never agree!"
• "Good luck, Princess. For ALL our sakes."

Koopa Troopas

• "Attack!"
• "Defensive position!"
• "FIRE!"

Koopa General

• "Mario! You're a dead man!"
• "Time to die, Mario!"
• "You... can't escape ME! BLUE SHELL!!"

Kong

• "Follow me."
• "Hop in."

Snifit

• "We found him in the Dark Lands."

Pauline

• "Everything's under control, I promise you. We are very close to fixing this."

Giuseppe

• "Too much? It's-a perfect! Wahoo!" - Giuseppe reassuring Mario about the accent used in the commercial

Mario and Luigi's father

• "Everybody loves mushrooms, right?"
• "I think you're nuts. You don't quit a steady job for some crazy dream. And the worst part; you're bringing your brother down with you."
• "What did I say?" - After Mario leaves the dinner table, along with everyone looking at him in disappointment
• "Mamma mia!"
• "WAHOO! Mario! You were amazing!"
• "These are my boys!!"

Mario and Luigi's mother

• "Don't listen to them. The world laughed at Da Vinci, too."
• "Oh, my boys! My heroes!"

Dialogue

The Super Mario Bros. Plumbing commercial

Mario: "It's-a me, a-Mario!"
Luigi: "And-a Luigi!"
Mario: "Are you tired of-a paying too much for plumbing?"
Both: "Mamma mia!"
Mario: "That's-a why the Super Mario Brothers are here! To-a save Brooklyn!"
Luigi: "And-a Queens!"
Mario: "And-a your wallet!"
Unnamed woman: "Thank you, Super Mario Bros.! It seems like the only thing you haven't drained is my bank account..."
Mario: "Forget-a the expensive plumbing companies where you're-a just a face. For the Super Mario Brothers, you're-a family!"

The Mario family talking about the Super Mario Bros. Plumbing commercial

Uncle Tony: "Oh, it's the Super Mario Brothers from the TV!"
(Uncle Tony, Uncle Arthur and Mario and Luigi's grandfather laugh)
Uncle Arthur: "They give an Oscar for worst actors?" (His wife smacks his head) "Hey, what I do?!"
Mario: "Uh-huh. So everyone saw the commercial then?"
Uncle Tony: "Uh-huh. We've seen it."
Mario: "Aaand?"
Uncle Arthur: "You shouldn't quit your day job."
Uncle Tony: "Oops, you already did!"
(Uncle Arthur laughs)
Mario's mother: "Well, I thought it was incredible. It belongs in a movie theater!"

Mario and Luigi after both saw the news channel

Mario: "Save Brooklyn? Luigi, this is our chance! Destiny is calling!"
Luigi: "Destiny Del Macchio from highschool?"
Mario: "What? No! Ugh, c'mon!"

Mario and Luigi before they get separated

Mario: "Gimme your hand! It's all gonna be okay!"
Luigi: "HOW IS THIS GONNA BE OKAY?!?"
Mario: "I'm telling you, nothing can harm us as long as we're together!"

Mario thinking the Mushroom Kingdom is all a dream

Mario: "So this is- this is not a dream?"
Toad: (whacks Mario with his walking stick) "That hurt, right?"
Mario: "YES!"
Toad: "Definitely not a dream."

Mario finding out what happened to Luigi

Mario: "Yeah, I'm actually looking for somebody — my brother, in fact. He looks exactly like me, but tall, and skinny, and green. See, last time I saw him, he was falling through a pipe. It was foggy and I believe there was lava."
Toad: "Uh, that is not good. Umm... Your brother has landed in the Dark Lands. They're under Bowser's control."
Mario: "Bowser?"
Toad: "He's the most evil, wretched creature alive. I'm taking you to see the princess. She can help. She can do anything!"
Mario: "Princess?"
Toad: "Come on, Mario! Our big adventure begins now!"
Mario: "Hang on, Luigi."

Mario asking two Toad guards for Princess Peach

Blue Toad guard: "Hold it right there, you two!"
Mario: "Oh, hey. I need to see the princess! It's an emergency!"
Blue Toad guard: "What princess?"
Yellow Toad guard: "I've never heard of any princess."
Blue Toad guard: "Oh wait, I did. Our princess, though, is in another castle!"
Yellow Toad guard: "Oh yeah, that's right."
Blue Toad guard: "You should try another castle, maybe. She ain't in this one."
Toad: "Okay, so they're messing with you. And... I don't like it!"

Princess Peach rallying the Toads to stop Bowser

Toad General: "Council, your attention. Bowser has found the Super Star and is headed toward our kingdom. Its power will make him invincible. We will be destroyed."
Yellow Toad: "Princess! What are we gonna do??"
Peach: "I will not let him hurt you. We are going to stop Bowser."
Yellow Toad: "How?! Look at us. We're adorable!"

Mario having his first Power Up

(Peach hits a ? Block with a Super Mushroom inside. It lands on Mario's hands)
Mario: "Ugh! Really??"
Peach: "Go on. Eat it."
Mario: "Ugh..."
(Mario tries to eat it)
Mario: "Now does this have to be a mushroom? Because I HATE mushrooms."
(Peach glares at Mario)
Mario: "Okay, okay."
(Mario tries to eat it again)
Mario: "Are you sure there's not like a--"
(Peach grabs the Super Mushroom and force-feeds Mario)
Peach: "And down the hatch! Yup, there it is and all gone!"
Mario: "Not cool!"

Peach trying to cheer Mario up after failing the Training Course

Peach: "Well... We have a long journey ahead of us, moustache."
Mario: "But I didn't make it."
Peach: "You almost did. No one gets it right away."
Mario: "How many tries did it take you?"
Peach: "Oh, so many. I was not good at it. Worse than you."
Mario: "You got it right away, didn't you?"
Peach: "I got it right away. But I grew up here."
Mario: "Okay, now you're just trying to make me feel better."
Peach: "No... Is it working?"
Mario: "A little bit, yeah."'

Bowser rallying the Koopa Troop and announcing his future wedding with Peach

Bowser: "My army! Koopas! Goombas! Whatever those things are! After years of searching for the Super Star, it is finally ours!"
Bowser's army: "YEAH!"
Bowser: "I am now the most powerful turtle in the world!"
Bowser's army: "YEAH!!"
Bowser: "Soon, we will arrive at the Mushroom Kingdom...!"
Bowser's army: "YEAH!!!"
Bowser: "Where after years of being sworn enemies... I will ask their princess to marry me in a fairy tale wedding!!"
Bowser's army: "YEAH—" (abruptly stops upon hearing the last part)
Koopa Troopa with Spear: "Yeeeah..."
Koopa Troopa: "Did he say 'marry the princess'?"
One of Bowser's Minions: "Doesn't she hate you?"
Bowser: "Of course she hates me. But that makes me love her all the more. Her heart-shaped bangs, the way she floats in the breeze, her immovable tiara... And when she sees this Star... Oh ho ho ho. WEDDING BELLS!"
Koopa Troopa with Spear: "But what if she says no?" (Bowser breathes fire and turns the Koopa Troopa into a Dry Bones)
Bowser: "Then I will power up with the Star and destroy the Mushroom Kingdom!"
Bowser's army: "YEAH!!!!"
Bowser: "So prepare yourselves for the best wedding ever! IT'S GONNA ROCK!!"

Peach impressed by Toad's bravery

Toad: "Don't worry. I. WILL. Protect you."
Peach: "A Toad brave enough to join me?"
Toad: "I fear nothing."
Peach: "Well, that settles it. You're coming with us!"

Bowser asking Kamek about Mario

Bowser: "This... uh, human... Where did he come from?"
Kamek: "We... aren't sure?"
Bowser: "Does the princess like him?"
Kamek: "Sire, look in the mirror! You have nothing to worry about!"
Bowser: "I know that. I'm not threatened." (promptly slams the piano lid on Kamek's fingers, causing Kamek to scream in pain) "Find out who he is, and WHAT THEY'RE PLANNING!!!"
Kamek: "I'm on it, sire... May I lift the cover?"
Bowser: "Not yet. Pain is the best teacher."

Bowser interrogating Luigi

Bowser: "What is your name?"
Luigi: "Luigi."
Bowser: "Not sure if you know who I am, but I'm about to marry a princess and rule the world."
Luigi: "Wow, uh… Yay."
Bowser: "But there's one problem, Luigi: there's a human traveling with my fiancée. Has a mustache, just like you. Do you know him...?"
Luigi: "No. No!"
Bowser: "Tough one, I see. Maybe THIS will get you to talk!" (pulls on a strand of Luigi's mustache)
Luigi: "Do you think I know every human being with a mustache wearing an identical outfit with a hat with the letter of his first name on it?! ...Because I don't!"
Bowser: "DO YOU KNOW HIM?!"
Luigi: "STOP! STOP! STOP, STOP, STOP! I know him! Yes, I know him! Yeah, he's my brother, Mario, and he's the best guy in the world!" (Dissolves into blubbering)
Bowser: "Do princesses find him attractive?!"
Luigi: "THEY DO IF THEY HAVE GOOD TASTE!!" (Bowser furiously yanks a chunk of Luigi's mustache, causing him to shriek in agony)

Peach convincing Cranky Kong to help

Peach: "Great and mighty Cranky Kong."
Cranky: "So, I heard you want my army."
Peach: "Yes, your Highness. Without your help, the Mushroom Kingdom will be annihilated."
Cranky: "What makes you think you're worthy of fighting alongside the greatest army in the world!?"
Peach: "Because we have heart! And with your strength... we can win."
Cranky: "Okay, fine."
Peach: "That's it?"
Cranky: "No, that's not it. The answer is no. Goodbye."
Peach: "But if the Mushroom Kingdom falls, the Jungle Kingdom is next!"

Cranky Kong trying to settle down the cheering Kongs in the arena

Cranky Kong: "Alright, simmer down!" (The crowd continues to chant) "I said, 'SIMMER DOWN!'" (The crowd except Diddy Kong stops cheering) "That means you, Diddy Kong!"
Diddy Kong: "DK! D... sorry."

Mario and Donkey Kong arguing after the arena fight

Peach: "That was incredible! He kept beating you senseless and you just kept getting back up?! You just don't know when to quit."
Mario: "Huh. I never thought of that as a good thing."
Peach: "It's a great thing!"
Mario: (touched) "Thanks."
Donkey Kong: (interrupting) "I let him win, just for the record."
Mario: "Really, though? Why would you do that?"
Donkey Kong: "You wanna know why? It's" (throws a barrel at Mario) "MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, that's why!!"
Mario: "Alright, giant monkey!" (attempts to fight back)
Cranky Kong: "ENOUGH!" (hits both Donkey Kong and Mario with his staff) "Get inside!"

Cranky Kong discussing the plan

Cranky Kong: "We've located Bowser's ship. He's gonna arrive at the Mushroom Kingdom by sundown! Luckily for you guys, I've got a shortcut!"
Peach: "We beat him there and ambush him!"
Cranky Kong: "Yeah, I know. That's why we're gonna need karts!"

Bowser practicing his proposal to Peach

Bowser: "Princess Peach... Here we are. Hehe. I guess love really makes a guy come out of his shell, hehe." (his Piranha Plant bouquet snaps at the viewer, which he promptly stomps) "Hehe. Let's rule the world. Together. Forever. Will you marry me?"
Kamek (dressed up as Peach): "Oooh, yes!"

Bowser talking with the Koopa General

Koopa General: "We have found the princess and the mustachioed human! He has defeated Donkey Kong and won the Kong Army."
Bowser: "So was Peach, like, super-impressed?"
Koopa General: "It appears so, yes. They are heading for the secret passage!
Bowser: "So they think they can surprise me? Two can play that game."

Mario, Peach, Donkey Kong and Toad talking on Rainbow Road

Peach: "Is there anything like this in your world?"
Mario: "What?!"
Peach: (louder) "Is there anything like this in your world?"
Mario: "(laughs) Oh no. We don't drive on rainbows."
Peach: "What are you gonna tell me next? That the turtles aren't evil?"
Mario: "No, no. They're usually pets!"
Peach: "No way!"
Mario: "Eh, come to Brooklyn, I'll buy you a turtle!"
Peach: "Maybe I will."
Donkey Kong: "Dude, is this you flirting? This is painful!"
Mario: "I was just trying to be nice!"
Donkey Kong: "You are so embarrassing! A princess would never go out with you!"
Toad: "Yes, she would! I guarantee she would!"
Peach: "Guys, enough!"
Donkey Kong: "Alright, alright."

Mario after saving Donkey Kong

Donkey Kong: "Mario... you saved my life!"
Mario: "Yeah, well, I won't tell anyone."
Donkey Kong: "Good. Please don't."

Mario and Donkey Kong inside the Maw-Ray

Donkey Kong: "So this is the end: being slowly digested by an eel next to an... idiot in overalls."
Mario: "At least your brother isn't gonna die because of you."
Donkey Kong: "Least you're not gonna die with your dad thinking you're a joke."
Mario: "Well, my dad thinks I'm a joke, too..."
Donkey Kong: (forlorn) "Yeah, well..." (angrily) "Your dad's RIGHT!"
Mario: "You know what?! I feel bad enough. Just- just leave me alone!
Donkey Kong: "I've never met your dad, but he sounds brilliant!"
Mario: "Just go in a corner and SMASH some stuff, smash monkey!"
Donkey Kong: (furious, throwing a temper tantrum) "I! AM! MORE! THAN A GUY! WHO SMASHES THINGS!!!"

Peach arriving back at the castle

Toad General: "Princess?"
Peach: "We lost the army... and Mario is gone. Bowser is coming. Head into the forest. I'll buy you some time."
Toad General: (to the others) "You heard her. Evacuate the city!" (He and everyone else run out the castle, except for Toad.)
Peach: "Go with the others."
Toad: (determined) "I said I wouldn't let anyone hurt you."
(With a smile, Peach heads out the balcony with Toad following.)

Bowser proposing to Peach

Bowser: "Princess Peach. Brave as ever. As you can see, I have the Super Star."
Peach: "If you're going to use it, use it now!"
Bowser: "No, princess! I stole this Star for us! I guess... love really makes a guy come out of his shell." (chuckles, but Peach scowls in disgust) "I told you that line wouldn't work!"
Kamek: "You're doing great!"
Bowser: "Peaches, with this Star, we will be invincible. We can rule the world together. Forever! Will you marry me?"
Peach: "Marry you? Are you insane?! I would NEVER marry you!"
Bowser: "Maybe you should reconsider." (Kamek zaps Toad with a beam, causing him to scream in agony.)
Peach: "NO! STOP! PLEASE STOP! I'll... I-I'll marry you. Just don't hurt my Toads!" (Bowser signals Kamek to release Toad)
Bowser: "You have my word." (laughs) "Time for a wedding!"

Kamek announcing that the prisoners will be sacrificed

Kamek: "Behold, prisoners! You don't deserve this, but you're invited to the royal wedding!"
Penguin: "Yay!"
Kamek: "...Where you will all be ritualistically sacrificed!"

Peach talking to Toad before her wedding

Toad: "Princess! I've got it!"
Peach: "Great job."
Toad: "You can't be going out there without your bouquet."
Peach: "It's perfect."

Bowser and Peach's wedding

Kamek: "Dearly belov--" (suddenly gets punched by Peach)
Dry Bones: "Draaamaaa...!"
Peach: "You really think I'd marry you?"
Bowser: "Kinda!"
Peach: (pulls out a Ice Flower from her bouquet) "I would NEVER marry a monster!" (transforms into Ice Peach)
Bowser: "Then we are breaking up RIGHT NOW!"

Bowser being shrunken down by a Mini Mushroom

Bowser: "Peaches... Listen, this is not the way I pictured it... but give me one more chance.
Peach: "Ew! No!"
Bowser: "No, no, no--" (Peach feeds him a Mini Mushroom and he shrinks; in a now high-pitched voice) "Hey! HEY! That is not cool!"